Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Final Day To Say Goodbye... my Granpa, Severino Hinayon.

He passed away at early morning (between 4-6AM, i dunno, mah mum and others who witnessed it only knows about it, and dun want to ask about it either) at age 78 on April 26, 2009.

I just can't believe that it was sudden to leave us, and I mean way too sudden for me. Things were fine when we brought him to our home and take good care of him. He was slowly recovered, and he even cracked a joke or two. Totally unbelievable.

It happened when my mom received a call from my granpa's relative in a countryside area of Ula, that he is weakening badly that he can't stand. We then rushed to that place and pick him up. I just stunned on what I saw. He REALLY is weakening badly. What I can't believe about it is that he was totally fine and healthy last week before it happened. Then I heard that the reason about him getting weak is that he didn't eat properly, and the reason for it is that he's out food supply to eat at all and instead giving those supply to his neighbors. I don't know if it's true, but if it is, those so-called neighbors really sickens me! That's one of the things I hated most: selfish bastards who only think about themselved and not even caring for other people around them.

When we got home, my mum suggests him to take him to a hospital, but insists that he wants to stay at home and take a rest. After taking medications and having a good rest, he slowly recovered, which is good news for us. Heck, my father and uncle are even watching pacquiao-related boxing matches (which is also my grandpa's favorite tv shows to watch) with smiles on their faces.

My cousin and her wife were taking care of him while we were sleeping (not for me, since I was playing online games that late night). We thought things were doing fine. We really are. Not until he has signs of hard breathing and uneasiness. My cousin thought he had a fever, but my mom checked him and said he was fine. At 6AM (maybe 6:30, can:t remember exactly), I went downstairs only to be told by my mom that he passed away. I was like, "huh" and paused for a few seconds. I think she's joking or something. But when I see my grandpa not breathing anymore and his entire body pale yellow, I was totally shocked that it hurts me inside. I almost lost appetite to play online games and went to a balcony, still in shock. Then words coming out of my mind: "why it was too sudden?"

My mom cried, my relatives cried, even my brother cried. But I don't. I don't know why. Maybe I'm thick-headed, or maybe I was too shocked, or maybe up until now I still don't believe that he passed away. But after I saw him that morning, I can't see his face inside the coffin. Even if I wanted to or forcing myself to see him, I just can't. I always back away from seeing him. I still can't believe that the coffin is there where he's inside whenever I see it. I wanted to forget all of the things happened by watching anything or playing any PC games or sleeping, but I just can't forget that those things just happened so suddenly. I just can't let it off my mind.

This morning will be the day he'll be buried at Forest Lake Memorial. I don't know if I can see his face and say goodbye to him one last time, because if I did, I don't know if I can hold back my emotions... I don't know how long can I keep crying... I don't know if how long can I be strong to accept the reality. But whatever it is, I can only say for sure: I owe him big time for the love and support he gave me since I was born. I owe him big time for being there for me through hard times. I owe him big time for the happy days we spend together (I still can't beat him to a game of checker, or "dama" in bisaya dialect). I will always remember him as the best grandfather of my entire life. I will always remember our nice chat together last December, because that's the last chat we had that long. And most of all, I will surely miss him.

Just to be sure if even I can say this to him before and after the burial, I'll say this in advance.

Lolo, I love you very much, and goodbye.

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